Why You Need Safe Words For Kinky Sex

Why You Need Safe Words For Kinky Sex

Through the recent popularisation of erotica on television, films and novels, we’ve become much more acclimatised to kinky sex. While many people would scoff at the proliferation of sexual content, personally, I believe that it opens up a better dialogue with people who are interested in the topic.

People have always been interested in pushing their sexual boundaries beyond the norm. It’s natural to want something more, particularly for couples who may have become de-sensitised to the standard ‘vanilla’ performance every other week. They want something thrilling to excite them; something memorable; something saucy! Thankfully, through these mediums have opened more conversations about these topics, allowing couples to explore their sexuality to a much deeper level.

As this flurry of intrigue around BDSM continues to grow then, so too does the actual practice in the bedroom. Mimicking the fictional realms of sexual is becoming a routine thrill in bedrooms all around the world. Astonishingly though, there is a terrible problem that has come to our attention.

That is the lack of acceptance of the need to create and use safe words when getting it on.

Whilst kinky sex is all about experimentation, pushing your boundaries and above all, getting weird, many people forget that while in the domineering role, their partner is entirely in their hands. Yes, embracing a slight discomfort and helplessness is part of the process, but when it becomes too much, then it can only lead to a negative experience.

That negativity is bad for all parties involved, reducing the desire to participate in such adventures again.

The solution, of course, is a safe words.

“What are safe words” I hear you ask?

Whilst roleplaying, you are taking on a character. The words you say aren’t coming from your ‘normal everyday self’. They’re embracing the darker side of you. The one that’s caged inside of you, rarely allowed to let itself out. All of the dirty talk that you dream up throughout the day gets its chance to unleash itself upon your partner.

During these roleplaying situations, you need some way of taking a step back and realising that you are in the real world without killing the vibe. That’s where safe words come in. They’re short words or phrases that can easily articulated to alert the other participant(s) of where you’d like the sex to go without killing the vibe.

It sounds counter-intuitive but some people enjoy have sex while telling their partner not to. It’s actually more common than you might think.

So, it’s not always as easy as just saying “stop”.

Over the years, people have been coming up with a variety of quirky ways that will catch their partner’s attention.

Interestingly, the most common words are entirely non-sexual and seemingly, quite random.

Here are the 10 most popular safe words used today:

  1. Red
  2. Pineapple
  3. Banana
  4. Orange
  5. Peach
  6. Apple
  7. Vanilla
  8. Yellow
  9. Blue
  10. Unicorn

What is really striking about these words is that they are all very placid in nature, are easily identifiable and don’t necessarily indicate that anything is wrong with the sex itself, just that they would rather less of what’s going on right now.

Let’s break down each of these now so that you can come up with your own safe words for sex:

A) Placid & Non-Specific

You want to choose a word that is highly unlikely to come up in a fantasy that you are realising. That way, if it comes up, it will be so odd that if it’s uttered out loud then the domineer can question why it has been said and break out of the narrative going on.

B) Easily Identifiable

Choosing a word that is difficult to pronounce will only cause confusion. You want something that you can easily utter out loud when uncomfortable so that your partner can pick up on it.

C) No Implication Of Negativity

Lastly, none of the words above in the list indicate that there is anything wrong with what’s going on. This suggests that although the person using the save word may not be into it, it’s not going to denounce their partner’s sexual preferences in any way either.

To sum up

Alright guys, I hope that you’ve found this article useful.

Got a particularly interesting safe word that you and your partner use? Please share it in the comments below…

Bondage For Beginners

Bondage For Beginners

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What is bondage?

So you want to try bondage?

Maybe something’s missing from your missionary.

Maybe your Netflix queue confusing Secretariat for Secretary put some new ideas into your head.

Hey, we’re not judging. We’re behind you, and we want to help!

Admitting you’re turned on by the idea of trying out bondage techniques might be easy, but actually taking that idea from your brain to the bedroom might seem a bit harder.

This could have something to do with the misconception that bondage games are just for creepers who drive windowless vans. Not true!

Bondage can be a great addition to any sex life, and you don’t have to own a leather wardrobe to enjoy it.

That said, when it comes to introducing bondage to your partner, there’s a right way to go about things and a wrong way.

While the right way can open up a whole new world of romping, the wrong way can send your partner running for the hills. Since you’re new here, we’ve decided to point out some common mistakes and set you on the right track.

“Surprise honey, I built us a dungeon!”

What better way to introduce bondage techniques to your partner than to build them a surprise dungeon while they’re away on a business trip?

Who wouldn’t love to come home to find the basement converted to a medieval torture chamber?

“Is that an authentic iron maiden? Oh, honey, you shouldn’t have!”

No really, you shouldn’t have. Let’s back up about 20 steps and start at square one.

Before you turn your apartment into the set of a Rihanna video, the first thing you want to do is gauge your partner’s interest. Bring up the topic casually in conversation.

You don’t have to put yourself 100% out there and say, “Hey, how do you feel about ball-gags and nipple clamps?”

Talk about it in context and observe your partner’s reactions.

Chances are they’re already sending you cues in the bedroom. Pay attention and take mental notes. When you take that first step, you want to make sure you’re headed in the right direction.

Safer sex with safe words

What better way to introduce bondage techniques to your partner than to build them a surprise dungeon while they’re away on a business trip?
Who wouldn’t love to come home to find the basement converted to a medieval torture chamber?

 

“Is that an authentic iron maiden? Oh, honey, you shouldn’t have!”

No really, you shouldn’t have. Let’s back up about 20 steps and start at square one.

Before you turn your apartment into the set of a Rihanna video, the first thing you want to do is gauge your partner’s interest. Bring up the topic casually in conversation.

You don’t have to put yourself 100% out there and say, “Hey, how do you feel about ball-gags and nipple clamps?”

Talk about it in context and observe your partner’s reactions.

Chances are they’re already sending you cues in the bedroom. Pay attention and take mental notes. When you take that first step, you want to make sure you’re headed in the right direction.

Safer sex with safe words

When we talk about safer sex, we aren’t talking about contraceptives and disease prevention (although those are obviously an important part of any sex life). When we say safer sex, we’re talking about mentally safer sex.You’re certainly asking, “When are we going to get to the fun part?” Don’t get your studded panties in a twist. We’ll get there soon enough, but there’s definitely some groundwork that needs to be laid before you are. (Your efforts will pay off. Trust us.)
Having a healthy relationship is all about respect and trust, and you need to carry those ideals into the bedroom with you, regardless of what you plan on doing once you get there.
For a lot of people, bondage games can push the boundaries of what they consider comfortable and normal. Hey, that’s what makes them fun! But there’s a difference between expanding your partner’s horizons and blatantly disregarding their mental well-being. Once trust is lost, it’s hard to get it back. So one of the best ways to arm yourself against awkward and potentially damaging situations is to choose a safe word.
Pick a word you wouldn’t normally say during sex. Michael and Jan from The Office used “foliage,” so you can feel free to steal that one. (Unless you commonly use the word “foliage” in the bedroom already. What kind of freaky stuff are you into?)
Make sure you’re both clear on your safe word, and know that any time one of you utters it in the bedroom it’s time to back off and regroup. Don’t make the mistake of diving in without a safe word!

Slow down and enjoy the view

You’re learning about bondage techniques, not training for the fetish Olympics. Slow down. Again, a key to making this a working part of your relationship is to maintain trust. If your partner feels pressured to try too much too soon, you’re going to freak them out and turn them off. Start by experimenting more with the power dynamics of bondage games than with any sensations of pain or discomfort.
Once your partner is bound, treat them to all their favorite favors. This would be a great time to use the Lelo Soraya for some extra oomph. Teasing your bound partner with a fun toy like the Lelo SIRI can be a stimulating way to break the bondage ice.A great way to do this is by using light restraints like pleasure tape. Lightly bind your partner (or have them bind you – obviously, roles can be reversed based on preference) at the wrists or ankles. Make sure you’ve left them an easy way to escape. It is important that your partner is restrained because they want to be, not because they feel they have no other choice.
Once you’ve had your first light bondage session, back off. Go about your next few sex sessions in more familiar ways and let your partner be the one who suggests giving it another go. When you get the green light for round two, remember to go slow, and never forget your safe words.

Ready to Romp?

There you have it – your beginner’s guide to bondage. “But what am I supposed to do with all these leather harnesses and kinky bondage ropes?” you’re asking.

All in due time, my friend. This post is just the beginning in a series, so while we hope we’ve given you a lot to think about, there’s still more to come! Stay tuned, and in the meantime, why not have a poke around our bondage accessories page for even more ideas? With so many toys to choose from, you’re bound to find something you’ve always wanted – or something you never knew you wanted!

Best Sex Toys For Couples

It’s 2018, and guess what? There are so many incredible ways and toys that you can use to spice up your sex life without necessarily venturing out of your relationship. And one of the least complicated ways is the use of sex toys.

As a couple you will always try to spice up your sex life and sometimes, your quest for the ultimate sex experience may lead you to uncharted waters, where you are forced to step out of your comfort zone. This may not sound like a great idea especially for men since they are not very receptive to sex toys.

However, the world is changing and the things that were not normally accepted are widely accepted today. A study conducted in 2014 by FHM on a group of 5000 men showed that 51% of them owned at least one sex toy with the most popular being the cock ring and the fleshlight. 69% of these men admitted that they were willing to try out sex toys with their partners. Only a meager 4% thought the idea of using sex toys for couples was weird. They have no idea what they are missing out on.

Sex is great right? You get to enjoy mind blowing sex with your partner, but what if you could add a few toys to the mix and see how it goes. Not only will you get to explore areas that you haven’t before, but you will also get to experience mind-blowing orgasms like never before.

For instance, most women need more than just penetration in order to achieve that elusive orgasm. They need clitoral stimulation which may not be fully achieved through normal penetration. However, if you add a G-Spot vibrator to your sexual escapades, you will stimulate her clitoris and let her know that you are adventurous. She will be calling you ‘Papi’ in no time.

Sex toys are designed for various reasons, there are some that are for men, others for women and other for couples. They can come in handy in your relationship to make sure you are both sexually satisfied.  Below are some of the best sex toys for couples that you can choose from:

Best Sex Toys for Couples- Our Top Picks

1. The Crave Vesper  

Designed by Crave, a San Francisco Vibrator Company, the Vesper is one of its kind as it is not only a vibrator, but it also doubles up as a necklace.

Yes, you heard me right, it is a necklace. A very fashionable and sleek piece, the Crave Vesper can be worn with many outfits especially during a night out. It has a very tiny and subtle power button that needs a firm push for you to turn it on, which is a design feature to ensure that you do not turn it on accidentally as you dance or run.

Very few people will realize you are wearing a vibrator unless you decide to tell them. The Crave Vesper could really come in handy especially if you are on a date and want to figure out if your date is into sex toys.

First time seeing the Crave Vesper you might easily dismiss it for a novelty item, but once you get to use it either on yourself or on your partner, you will realize it is the perfect device for a quick orgasm in the bathrooms, or on the move. It delivers strong but nice vibrations with 3 speeds and an additional pulsating option. The batteries are recharged using a USB cable and a single charge can last up to two long play sessions.

Have you ever seen a sniper bullet? A Crave Vesper resembles a sniper bullet but with a sleek and slender shape. It’s 9.7 cm long with a 26-inch chain attached to it.

It may not be as stimulating as the wand vibrator but it is portable, discreet and will resonate with most ladies in exactly the right places. The Crave Vesper is arguably the best sex toy for couples especially on-the-go situations. You want to have your partner stimulate you with one of these while camping or on a road trip.

How do you use the Crave Vesper as a couple?

Blindfold your partner and have them lay down. Let the Vesper dangle and hover over your partner’s skin. Slightly make contact and keep teasing them until they are ready to give in.

Features

  1. Necklace comes in two color choices- gold & silver
  2. Recharges via USB port
  3. 4 control settings
  4. Body safe materials
  5. 3.75” pendant
  6. 26” nickel-free chain
  7. Silent and discreet

2. B-Vibe Trio Butt Plug

Most people have strict backdoor policies with a big percentage preferring not to explore that aspect of intimacy. The B-Vibe Trio Butt Plug is the ideal option for beginners. It is neither too big nor too small and has a compact slim design.

It slides in without much hassle and little or no discomfort. The only aspect of its design that may turn off some couples is the cumbersome base. The base easily gets in the way of penetration or dildos.

The Trio Butt Plug can be used with a remote or manually. It has three motors that send vibrations to exactly where you want it to. The first motor at the tip of the plug sends strong sensations to the P-spot. The second motor which is located at the central provides a tingling sensation while the base motor teases your sensitive starfish. Woooo! The feeling is similar to that of having your partner lick your dainty bud.

You can use it as a couple by having your partner wear the butt plug and the other control the remote. As she/he walks around the house with the plug, you can surprise her/him every now and then with a small jolt of vibration. Imagine being turned on simultaneously and experiencing an anal orgasm with no warning or any form of stimulation.

The Trio Butt Plug is exactly what you need to spice up your sexual escapades. It is designed to fit any body and it is also gender neutral. It is charged using a magnetic USB cable and comes with a carrying case. Wouldn’t it be fun to go for a road trip with your partner armed with one of these or two one for each? Having the power to control when and how your partner enjoys the tingling vibrations is just awesome.

Features

  • 8-vibration intensity levels
  • Splash proof
  • Cute travel case
  • Remote control
  • 9-vibration patterns
  • Gender Neutral

3. We Vibe Bloom Kegel Balls

We Vibe is a reputable brand with a vast selection of sex toys. One of their top rated products is the We Vibe Bloom Kegel Ballsthat can be controlled via the WeVibe Connect app. This makes it easy to include your partner in the fun. Simply download the app on your phone and give the controls to your partner and let the fun begin.

The Bloom comes in a set of vaginal balls that are designed to help you keep up with kegel exercises. They are designed to help you progress in your exercises by having 2 extra balls of different weight categories. You gradually increase the weights as your muscles get stronger.

How do they work?

Insert the jiggling balls in your vagina. The balls trigger vaginal muscle contraction which increases muscle grip thus giving your vaginal muscles a good clench. The more you wear the kegel balls the more you increase your vaginal muscle tone thus keeping vagina as tight as wooooo!

It is recommended for partners who are looking for a toy that stimulates the g-spot.

Features

  • 3 progressive weights
  • Storage bag
  • Vibrating base
  • USB power cable
  • PureWeVibe Lube sample
  • Waterproof
  • 10+ Modes
  • Rechargeable
  • Comfortable design

4. Paloqueth BDSM Bondage Set for Couples

Take control of your sex experience by securing your partner to the bed using BDSM restraint kits. They are ideal sex toys for couples looking to add some kinky spice to their erotic escapades. Unleash your imagination and let it run wild as you experiment with the Paloqueth BDSM Bondage Set.

Features

2 × Handcuffs and 2 × Ankle Cuffs

The cuffs are made for rough play and they can connect with heavy-duty hardware to ensure that you keep your partner well restrained as you explore. Both the cuffs and buckle closures are comfortable and look sexy. They have adjustable buckle closures that offer the ideal fit for bedroom intimacy.

1 leather Hogtie

The leather hogtie is ideal for hogtying situations as it comes with four swivel lobster clasps that attach to your wrist and ankle cuffs. They are ideal for using during BDSM play especially for advanced restraint.

1 Collar and 1 leash

It has an adjustable leash collar that’s lined with black fur and a leather necklace leash. The necklace leash has a metal clamp and metal rivets ideal for your bondage fantasies.

1 Sexy Blindfold

One of the best ways to enhances most of your senses if not all is by limiting your sense of sight. For instance if you wear your blindfold chances are that all your other senses will be heightened to make up for lack of eyesight. What better way to enjoy intimacy than to have your partner blindfold you and taunt you without you knowing where he/she will caress you next? The unexpected tickling, teasing, tantalizing, touching and taunting will result in maximum pleasure. Every touch or caress will result to mind-blowing stimulation.

It is ideal for beginners.

5. Bound Desires Strap on Dildo

Nowadays pegging has become increasingly popular with most couples willing to try it out. And although most heterosexual men may prefer not explore some avenues such as pegging, some are now discovering the intense pleasure of prostate and anal stimulation.

If your partner is open to new ideas then pegging is a must try. As a woman, you will get to enjoy being in control with your partner being on the receiving end of intimacy. Your partner gets to know how it feels to be in such a position. Other than the woman empowerment aspect, your partner gets to enjoy intense orgasms after you stimulate his G-spot.

One of the best toy to do this is the Bound Desires Strap on Dildo which has a harness kit that can fit up to 60” hips. It is extremely comfy and has a removable harness with a replaceable rubber ring that can accommodate larger dongs and dildos.

Features

  • Realistic natural dildo
  • Simple & easy to clean
  • Latex & phthalate free
  • Discreet packaging
  • Replaceable O-ring
  • Dual straps
  • Removable dildo

6. Electrastim Flick Duo electro sex stimulator

Normally you would rarely combine the word genitalia and electricity but electro sex is on a whole new level. It is a new way of stimulating your erogenous zones while using a small but safe amount of electricity. And since our bodies are made of water the electricity conductivity should not be an issue. By using an electro sex toy you allow electricity to pass through your nervous system thus creating a pulsing, vibrating kind of sensation.

What does it feel like?

Electro sex does not involve pleasurable pain or pain at all. Instead you can use the lower settings to stimulate your nerve endings arousing every part of the skin that it touches. Imagine having a gentle vibration on your skin that causes a tickling sensation.

Features

  • USB charging cable
  • 25 Intensity levels per output
  • 3 hour use per charge
  • 4 Flick Modes
  • Black Chrome Bezel
  • 8 Stimulation effects

 

7. TIANI 3

Ever tried using a couple’s massager? If not, then you should try the TIANI 3 which vibrates externally and internally all at the same time. It is designed to pleasure and tease you and your partner during intimacy. With one of these you are sure to take your intimacy to new heights.

The TIANI 3 is flexible enough to suit all body types and shapes. It gives you that luxurious comfortable feel and fit. The wireless controls make it easy for you to adjust to your desired intensity with just the flick of a wrist. The perfect sex toy for a hands free intimacy session.

Its main purpose is to enhance your sensations as a couple. The smaller arm of the toy is inserted in your vagina while the larger outer arm sits on your clit. This makes it easy for your partner to penetrate you. It is small enough such that it remains unobtrusive, but still large enough to send strong vibrations for both parties to enjoy. It is easy to use in many positions with the most ideal being missionary.

Features

  • Wireless remote controller
  • USB Charging cord
  • 100 % waterproof
  • 8 pleasure settings
  • Fully rechargeable

8. Feeldoe

Feeldoe is the original version of the strapless strap-on. It features a bulb end that stays in place by attaching to your pc muscles. It has a dildo that comes up from its shaft end at an angle that is said to be natural. This allows you to penetrate your partner well. The experience of using a Feeldoe is unrivaled.

It is recommended that you wear it severally around the house to get used to it before trying it out on your partner. Ideal for beginners.

Features

 

  • 100% Ultra-Premium Silicone
  • Easy to Clean
  • Bulb diameter: 1.5”
  • Dildo Diameter: 1.5”
  • Bulb Length: 2.5”
  • Dildo Length: 6”

9. LELO IDA

Lelo IDA is a remote controlled vibrator that’s worn by women during sexual intercourse. It lets you share the powerful and intense rotations with your partner.

Both the rotations and vibrations are wirelessly controlled thus reducing disruptions or fumbling while making love. It’s ideal for partners who prefer slow intimate lovemaking as it teases your G-spot as well as his penis simultaneously.

As it vibrates inside, it stimulates both partners providing even more satisfying sex.

Features

  • Soft & Flexible
  • Fully rechargeable
  • 100 % waterproof
  • Rotations within
  • 8 pleasure settings

 

10. LELO TOR 2

A comfortable and well-fitting ring, the lelo ring is designed to be worn by men as a cock ring. It stimulates both partners with the man getting the upper hand.

Since time immemorial cock rings have been loathed by women but the lelo tor 2 is different since it helps the man maintain a massive hard-on. This translates to better and long lasting intimacy.

It comes with 6 different pleasure settings that you can use to decrease or increase the vibratory prowess. On the inside, it has a motor that’s powered by a rechargeable battery.

It comes with a very nice casing, actually once you open, it feels like a proposal directed to your dick. The LELO packaging is sure to excite you every time.

Inside the box there are a few items:

  • An instruction manual
  • A satin storage pouch
  • A charging cord
  • The TOR 2 Couple’s Ring

Lube is not included since you don’t need lubrication to put on a cock ring

Choosing the Best Couple Sex Toys

It is advisable that you choose your toys together as a couple to ensure that y’all comfortable and excited with the toys that you’ve chosen.

  • Discuss with your partner- Since sex toys is not everyone’s cup of tea you might want to discuss with your partner more on the issue of sex toys. It may be something you want to try out, but your partner may not be entirely into the idea of having new gadgets added to their sex life. The key to enjoying bedroom intimacy using toys is open discussion and finding sex toys that allow for mutual fulfillment.
  • Shop together– The best part of owning a sex toy is shopping. You go into a toy store and together with your significant other, explore the various options available on display. As you view each toy, you get to imagine what you could do with it, how it works, how it would make you feel and if your partner will enjoy. By the time you are coming out of the store you will have an idea of what to do with your toy.

It is advisable to shop together with your partner as they will be your support system in case you get nervous or feel embarrassed. Ask as many questions as you can concerning the different types of sex toys. Get to know which toy suits you as a couple, which toy is ideal for beginners, intermediaries and experts.

  • Start with the basics- Now that you have both agreed to experiment, start with what excites both of you, the toys that you are comfortable with and keep off the toys that are off limits. You can start with couple’s vibrators, since they are designed to please the female and male partner by delivering vibration to the shaft of the penis and the scrotum.

Keep it simple, what does this mean? Start with toys that do not intimidate you partner. Go easy on the toys, take time to figure out how the toy works, which end goes where and the function of every button. Steer of the complicated toys, you just starting and you want to enjoy each and every moment. Therefore, start with the simplest toys that both of you can handle and you can upgrade as you progress on this journey of sexual satisfaction since each day is learning curve.

What are you looking for in a toy?

Woman

  • G-spot stimulation
  • Clitoral stimulation
  • A discreet toy
  • Both vaginal and clitoral stimulation

Man

  • Realistic sex
  • Lifelike look and feel
  • Prostate stimulation
  • A discreet toy

Couples

  • Kinky toys
  • A toy to use on her
  • A toy to use on him
  • A toy to improve your sex experience

If you will be shopping together you can find that fits your needs as a couple or individual needs in case you are in a long distance relationship.

What are the benefits of using sex toys as a couple?

The main and obvious benefit is the extra pleasure and mind-blowing orgasms. Sex toys serve as way to enhance or extend the pleasure that you are providing to your partner. In some cases you will find that the toys are exceeding your natural abilities. A good example of this is a vibrator. No matter how good you are, you simply can’t match the power of a good vibrator. The degree of stimulation is unrivaled.

The use of sex toys will:

  1. Keep the vagina healthy
  2. Reduce the risk of prostate cancer through ejaculation
  3. Strengthen your relationship
  4. Increase orgasms

What are you waiting for get one of these toys or any other and spice up your bedroom affair.